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The sun was just coming over the hill, shining through the window, as she crawled out of bed. She threw up her hair and slipped into her favorite yellow skirt. Putting flip-flops on her feet, she grabbed her bible and a cup of coffee and in the quiet stillness of the morning sat on the porch.
She curled her legs under her skirt as she sat, drinking in the cool morning air and the fresh smells of growing things. Her arms had slight goosebumps on them, and she hugged herself. She thought about things, about life, and about her God. After a half hour of quiet time, she went back into the busy house, where the family was loud, getting ready for the day.
Hoisting up the laundry basket full of wet clothes, she lugged it out to the clothes line. The morning sun shone over the roof of the house and in her eyes as she hung the clothes. She shook them out, pinned one side and then the other, and moved to the next piece of laundry. She hung the last piece and stacked the baskets next to the pole.
Later that day she played Frisbee with her friends, meeting them at the park. She kicked off her flip-flops and felt the grass fit between her toes. She pumped her arms, and moved her legs as fast as they would carry her, reaching for the Frisbee someone threw. They played until they couldn’t play any longer. No one cared who won, they just played for the rush. At the end of the night she had grass stains on her knees, dirt on her hands, and spent legs. She’d laughed a ton, smiled a lot and run until her chest hurt.
They sat around on the grass, exhausted and happy, talking as the night got cooler. She grabbed her hoody from the car, pulling it over her head and leaving the hood up. She stood leaning on the open car door, talking a little longer to a friend, soaking in the night.
Soon she was home, ready to plop into bed in the dark. Her skin felt smooth against the cool sheets, and her head light against the pillow. The windows were open, there was a cool breeze against her face and she could hear the frogs chirping in the pond as she fell asleep.
Lovely! Two things, though. She threw up her hair? Ew... Might want to rephrase that. ;) And when she stacked the baskets, where did the second one come from?
ReplyDeletehahaha, good points! thanks :)
ReplyDeleteI love it. Makes me think of a gorgeous spring day. And the very fact that I MISS having a clothesline. :(
ReplyDeleteOk, so a couple things. Shouldn't you capitalize Bible? Also this sentence sounds a little funny to me, how you added on at the end: "Later that day she played Frisbee with her friends, meeting them at the park." Maybe it's just me, but I was thinking it could be rephrased. And, this seems like too much, kind of like Jennette said using $1 word when 10-cents could work: "She grabbed her hoody from the car, pulling it over her head and leaving the hood up." The last part just sounds funny to me - "and leaving the hood up." Maybe you could rephrase it to say something like "She grabbed her hoody from the car and pulled it over her head." Then, last paragraph "Soon she was home, ready to plop into bed in the dark." Maybe "dark" should be an adjective and it should say "dark room." ?
Just my few cents... ;)
yes, I think dark should be an adjective.... but the hoody sentence, I can't cut that!!! that's the essence of the sentence, have you ever left your hood up????? ;) haha, but you do have a good point.....
ReplyDeleteLOL. well if you talk about putting your hoody on, isn't your hood going to be on? ;) when I think of you and hoodies your hood is always on. :D
ReplyDeletebtw, you're making me miss you more. :(